ASH (he/they)
27 | white | fat gay transmasc (t4t)
flex support main (ana/zen/illari)
world's weakest bipolar haver

please play the critically acclaimed fallout 4 dlc far harbor and watch laura (1944) dir. otto preminger 💖

i hope you're having a great day! if not, please click here or here, and i hope things get better soon.

"life's more than just a game of win or lose, don't you think? let's live, snake."

no matter how bad things may be for you, there is always hope for better days to come. you are worthy of this world and your place in it. your darkest days and biggest mistakes do not define you, and you can learn from anything and grow into a better person. you matter, and you will always matter.

being in recovery is an active process, and it's not an easy path to walk. there will be days that are hard and times where you have to face things that are difficult and scary. remember that it will all be worth it in the end and that you are allowed to take breaks and to breathe along the way.

even when you fail at something you are still moving forward. your progress does not get erased when you struggle. go at your own pace and know that life isn't a race. everyone is going to their own destinations on their own time, and you aren't falling behind because you haven't done what someone else has.

taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do. you are your own best friend. you are the one who picks yourself up when you fall, the one who gets yourself out of bed when you can barely move, the one who keeps yourself alive when it's so, so hard. please listen to and look out for yourself and treat yourself with the same kindness and love you give so freely to others.

there is always be something worth staying alive for. nothing is too small to find value in; whatever it is that keeps you going day by day is more than enough, be it a person, a pet, an event you're looking forward to attending. anything. better days and loving people are around every corner. you just have to be here long enough to find them.

DO NOT INTERACT: bigots, centrists, zionists, fatphobes, transphobes, transmeds, and terfs; proshippers, rpf enjoyers

minors are ok to follow as long as you blacklist the tag #minors dni.

i don't like master/student romances. solimiller & raisune fans this is primarily directed at you. genyatta toes the line but idm if you post about it, it's just not how i see them.

i have no opinion on whatever flavour of discourse is going around this week. online leftist spaces create good discussion but also suffer from infighting (i promise you that alienating your allies over the tiniest infraction is not good praxis). if you're interested in making real-world change, support your local grassroots movements, LGBT+ groups, etc. in whatever ways you are able, or at the very least start reading theory ('feminism is for everybody' and 'women, race, and class' are good entry points; i can recommend other books if you want to dive deeper, just ask!).

born 9/16 (virgo ☉ | scorpio ☽ | gemini ↑)

i have dual degrees in psychology and gender studies & currently work at a consignment shop.in my free time i eat a lot of rice and act like i'm making youtube videos while i play games alone in my room. i make gifs and draw. i write a lot too but i don't share any of it publicly (maybe one day).

i'm not sure where else to put this but being fat is so important to me and critical to both my sexuality and my self-identity as a whole. so is being t4t; it's all interlinked and deeply meaningful!

TUMBLR | TWITTER (i'm a lurker)
sideblogs: tmg music archive | fallout aesthetics (nv + fo4) | oc shitposting | art "portfolio"
moots can ask for my btag, steam id, & discord!past urls: luvdeterrence | lifedews | noirefilm

(last edited on 12/9/23)

if you ever need or want to talk you're always welcome to shoot me an ask or DM, mutual or not.

general notes/before following:
all of my posts are ok to rb. mass liking, reblogging, and queueing from my archive are all ok too!i try my best to tag common triggers but can't keep up with blacklists. you're free to ask me to tag something but i can't promise i'll remember. it's best not to follow if you need more specific things tagged consistently, sorry. </3i struggle with physical and mental illness and talk about the specifics of rapid-cycling bipolar, ocd, chronic pain, dysphoria, and disordered eating semi-regularly. i try to tag these posts appropriately.don't feel pressured to keep following me for any reason. you should curate your spaces as you see fit and i won't be upset if my blog no longer brings you joy, even if we're mutuals. for as much as i see my mutuals as my friends, i truly don't mind if you break one for any reason, in any way, though consider a hardblock if you don't want me to still follow or refollow you after you do.

i'm always learning and growing as a person. i do my best to educate myself and i will always prioritize and lift the voices of those who understand certain issues deeper than i ever will. that being said, please approach with understanding if i mess up in any way and try not to assume malice.

💖 MAIN INTERESTS: fallout (fo4) & my ocs 💖my favourite characters of all time are nick valentine, kazuhira miller, and reigen arataka.

GAMES: fallout (nv + the rest of 'em), metal gear solid, death stranding, disco elysium, overwatch, darkest dungeon, tf2, pokemon, etc.MUSIC: the mountain goats, father john misty, kino, tatsuya yamashita, billie holiday; city pop, new wave, r&b, jazz, oldies, etc.OTHER: old man yaoi, the cold war/atomic age, the weather, music history, bugs, cows, robots, sumo wrestling, overwatch league (#shieldsup), noir mysteries (radio shows, movies, & stories); drawing, writing, knitting, touching grass